Tuesday, July 18, 2006

...traffic cones

The first British moon mission.

Percy led the scientific mission to test whether it was possible to cone off a two lane, contra-flow traffic system across the Sea of Tranquility in zero gravity.

10 other questions that needed to be answered by costly, public, scientific studies & surveys.

1) 9 of 10 chickens, when asked, "do they prefer whole grain or seed" said 'Cluck'
2) 10 out of 10 people surveyed said they preferred gravity as their chosen force of universal attraction.
3) It was noted that 10 out of 10 paratroopers studied over a seven year period chose to utilize a parachute when jumping from a plane at altitude.
4) A five year research project into relative weights of differing substances concluded that a ton on lead did weigh the same as a ton of feathers.
5) A survey concluded that most people chose numbers as thier prefered method of performing complex mathematical calculations.
6) A research project into 'The alternative to breathing' was almost shelved after a number of the team members experimented on themselves , collapsing within minutes due to lack of oxygen.
The study concluded that the alternative, i.e. , ' Not breathing', was proven detrimental to health.
7) A case study of 'bomb disposal' experts showed that they were 600% more likely to die from vapourisation than a members of the general public.
8) An intense 24 hour study of gambeling addicts and farm yard sheep, proved that sheep are not very good a poker & have no concept of a royal flush.
9) Medical research has proven that people with ears have better hearing.
10) An ongoing study of the universe beyond our solar system has concluded that it is quite big,
and despite further resources, time, manpower and funding being poured into this vast enquiry, evidence to the contrary has yet still to be obtained.

and to finish on a song : (not one of mine, but a verse from my old rugby club)

The long and extensive enquiries,
of Darwin , Huxley and Ball,
have conclusively proved that the hedgehog can hardly be buggered at all.
Yet further exhaustive researches
Have incontrovertibly shown,
That this state of comparative safety
Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone.

I get a little miffed with pointless surveys that confirm to us the most obvious answer.


the heartful blogger said...

LOL LOL LOL !!!! Where do you get it from???

sim said...

The little pixies tell me to do things.
(Naughty things mostly.)