...Ms Riding Hoods swinging granny

Things are far to busy to be doing this at the moment.
,but I resolved not to work during my lunch hour this year so although rushed this scribble is the result.
Why I keep refering back to fairy tales I don't know.

Alternatively this should have been titled "Red caught Granny dogging".

...juggling kittens

Appologies, I do not condone the juggling of cats / kittens or any feline derivative, living or deseased, for public or personal gratification / ammusment in any way, shape or form.
No kittens were used as models during the production of this scribble & no cats were hurt.

...revolutions

Damn it , I wanted a killer robot as a child, but my mum wouldn't let me have one.

(Billy must also have read the survivors guide ,quality)

...gurning

Arg.. text is too small, it says...

"Unit #06zu wins the robot gurning contest.

I like the concept of robots doing somthing as pointless & trivial as gurning

...Neils second step.

Foolish moments in history part 1.

...Lurking horrors.

Another mispent lunch hour !
Scribbles of the day.

...rugby

Now here's a stupid thought. After 12 years of physical imprisionment & Im now bursting with energy & fighting fit again, and I think very possibly a little giddy and drunk on it too.
The stupid thought is "would it be sensible at the age of 35 to run back out onto the Rugby park again ?"
Possibly one thing too far...but this little voice in the back of my head that challenges me to do these things is shouting (...no its dancing on tables and singing lewd songs actually), and as often as not Im a bear of very little resistance when inner me sings.
I have so many possibilities and things I can resume now.

Other stupid things Ive taken on in the last year to get me to this point.

a) Qualified as a senior sailing instructor. (Supprised myself, bear in mind Im the shyest person on the face of the planet.) ,but oh how I strutted.
b) Beaten and recovered from cancer & associated operations. This gave me my life completely back. Now theres somthing you may not often hear & I haven't stopped grining yet.
c) Taken on fund raising for the kids sailing association during (b). Seccured the first grant this week. Woohoo. New shinny kit. mmmm..shinny kit.
d) Helped fight the county council over my sailing base & won. Still a little shocked.
e) Carried on teaching the children throughout on the nomadic tour of Norfolk. This was possibly very stupid indeed.
f) Took on the role of Rear Commodore. (Peer pressure sucks)
g) Taken up drawing again. (my drawing sucks)
h) Taken up walking for pleasure again, & a little light running.
i) Took on the re-building of a fleet of six boats.
j) Have discovered how to bend the physical law of linear time and queeze 73 seconds out of every minuite. Or so it appears.
k) Have gotten around to planning two excursions. One on the tall ships due in five weeks time.
l) Started endulging in.....forbiden fruits & other whimsical pursuits that catch my eye. Developed a major case of 'shinny thing syndrome'. I suppose this includes blogging. For some reason this appeals.
j) Stopped frowning & have started enjoying life again.

So do I play again & release any pent up stuff through beating the crap out of others.
The last twelve years tells me Fuckit, If you enjoy it Just do it. last chance.
Im waiting the the other side of the debate to emerge from within.

Please excuse the rant, this happens sometimes. I need to see stuff written down.

...conkers

Of course if wars were fought with conkers England would once agian have a nice little empire...simply because we've got all the really good conker trees.
The North American peanut would consigned to a historical foot note.
Australia , we would laugh at you Macedamias.
We would however be buggered if the south Americans fought back with Brazil nuts.
....And thinking about it coconuts would constitute an arms race and see a drastic shift in military power toward the west indies & polynesian island chain.
Hmmm....I may need to re-consider my stratigies , may be some form of soft fruits.

...flocking about

I've never been able to explain, even to myself, why all my sheep have red boots on.

...gazumped patents.

...Note to self, don't do cartoons with obscure historical references in future.

...larking, tom foolery & horseplay.

Other random & pointless passtimes that were invented by Trevors thoughout history for reasons unknown.

a) Complicated American handshakes. (oh, dear, sophisticated culture is only a book away,please don't improvise)
b) The tripple jump. (What natural requirement did this sport develop from?)
c) Speed walking. (Oh, ffs just run!.)
d) Astronomy (?????!, invented to specifically make my blood boil, proven increasingly irrelevant as more planets are discovered).
e) Feng Shui (invented to make money out of the gullible?)
f) Break dancing. (I lived through the break dance years and am still none the wiser)
g) Curling, cabre tossing & golf. (They must have been so,so,so,so bored in the highlands & low lands.)
h) Flower arranging. (You take a flower that looks so pretty in the wild, kill it, then try and preserve it and make it look pretty again? Just leave them in the bloody ground)
i) Pigeon racing. (not a spectator sport, so why?, if all the pigeons go home , how do you know which one won?)
j) Morris dancing. (at some point in history some one thought, "look chaps, iv'e got an idea, sew on some bells & ribbons & grab yourself a stick")
k) Bird watching. (Birds don't require watching, & it does not help their paranoia, so just stop it please)
l) Train & plane spotting. (invented because morris dancing, pigeon racing & flower aranging were too stimulating)

...lack of imagination.

erm...
Brain dead Sunday.
Pen. (check)
Paper (check)
Spare ten minuites (Check)
Imagination (ah, f**kit)

...the ascent of man

...because we've come so far.

...Lost kittens

Foot in mouth disease.

Ok, so today I nearly crashed and burned with one of my off the cuff, not really thinking before speaking remarks.
To set the scene. I'm currently working on the design of a new veterinary practice. Design meeting with client & contractor.
The subject of the two chest freezers located in the existing building came up. Naively shocked to discover these contained the kittens , puppies & budgies that didnt quite make it.
The subject in question was what services were required & how the client envisaged the new building to be heated.
So I point out if we knew, "the calorific value of a budgie we could burn them & kill two birds with one stone."
...Silence. Uncomfortable silence.
Fortunately the vet was not so stiff & his reply actually made my day.
"Perhaps we could install a propper Bunnie Boiler?"

...knees

I need to settle a debate, does anyone know the medical name for the back of the knee?

...Humpty crosses the Mob.

I can't remember which comedian it was who posed the question recently, Why did they let the horses have a go first?, but I'm sure this was a justifiable military response to mending an egg. Over kill with inappropriate equipment.

Well...im sure fairy tales were made up to frighten the hell of of small children anyway.
I was brought up on a diet of Hilaire Belloc, Fungus the Bogeyman & mis-read brothers Grimme which may explain my take on Goldie locks & the other fairy tales.

As I See it.

Prince Charming should have got off with at least one of the ugly sisters first in case the whole Cinderella thing didn't work out. Lets face it , a girl who can't even look after her own shoes. Hows that going to go down in the royal household? Probably be lying dead in a French tunnel within the first year of marraige. Then back to the ugly girl. Oh wait....sorry Charles.

Repunzal should have sustained major problems with split ends, hair far too long. Kinda wished it would have pulled out as matey climbed up.

Rumplestiltskin would have been beaten at his own game when his details were Googled and his name guessed on the first go.

Red Riding Hood. Hmm... a tale that first has a paedophile stalker in the shape of wolf. Then we have a element of breaking & entry + Granny bashing in the background. Next comes the full on wolfy transvestism and finally and axe weilding woods man.
No we will keep this one as it is.

Sleeping beauty.....Prince your kissing a dead girl. Thats necrophillia ! eew, Yick.
Ok so she wakes up from the dead. Why can't she be a propper zombie & go on a brain feeding rampage?

The Frog and the Princess. Apart from hoping the silly princess just ended up with horrid, sticky frog lips. I feel she should have boxed the talking frog and sold him to the media for a quick buck.

....and so on.

...dave

Dave was discovered when caught eating poodles for brunch.

...social circles.

...jets

Conclusive proof that Whittles' original notes included the use of a Zebedee.

I guess the historical record of this may be lost on any one not aquainted with the fundimental link between Frank Whittles initial design for the jet engines' fuel injection system and 70's, childrens, reality t.v. show "The Magic Roundabout"
Am I the only one who's enlightened on these basic engineering facts?

(It's a little known fact that Edison also used a Tinkerbelle in the creation of the lightbulb.)

...space invaders

Aliens are among us......most work for the gas board.

...Ms Tiggles curiosity

Back to the sinister stuff again,
Well there goes one new year resolution.
(I like the sound of resolutions breaking.)

...shiny thing syndrome.

Being a little sensible for once.
The above is one of mine from a couple of years ago. I want to start painting again ,but I now believe I am cursed with 'Shiny thing syndrome'

Shiny thing syndrome was an alement observed at my work. One of my ex-co-workers & friend since we were apprentices,(no...make that junior school), had kept starting new businesses, expanding what he was already doing or just plain diverting off in tangental directions. When the next shiny thing came along he would throw himself headlong into it, letting other things suffer as a consequence. The result was total confusion for any one trying to keep track & utter frustration when trying to deal with him.
To this day, after bankrupcy, insolvancy & good times, He's still looking around the next corner. Incurable.

The thing is that since I gained my reletive freedom agian this year, too many shiny things in the world catch my eye & take up my precious free time. I wan't to do all of them. Perhaps there is no hope for me either.!

...curtains for Jerry

...another random scribble.

...office security

Boris strode confidently past security & wafted by the secretarys' protests, but did not reckon on the panther.

...Robinson

Back to civilisation, work & fretting.

10 things I feel I require to get me through the next weeks work & set the tone for the oncoming year ahead.

1) A medium sized gun inplacement.
2) The power to kill with a single stare & cripple with a quip.
3) A vast quantity of tea from my very own magic tea fountain.
4) A note from my mum excluding me from any potential mental and/or physical challange.
5) The complete and worldwide failure of the internet, e-mail, telephone, postal and remaining telegraph systems. I shall conduct my affairs via semiphore & Chinese whispers.
6) The timely presentation of my p45 & air fare to Patigonia.
7) The timely employment of a 6" blonde, female, single, 30 year old quantity surveyer. (Well I got that wish before the break. (Woohoo !), so this may not count).
8) 3 o'clock compulsary nap time.
9) A small semi starved leopard mis-treated from birth & fed a diet of Architects blood.
10 A suprise additional four day bank holiday in memory of the Queen Mum, godblesser.

...new years revolution.

I dont know what happened last night, but I awoke this morning with a mild head ache & feeling revolting.

Happy New Year